


The Crackfic Spectacular

by JeanOurQueen



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Just a bunch of silly oneshots, bunch of fluff, still working on getting through the rest of the prompts, will post as I go lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8802730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanOurQueen/pseuds/JeanOurQueen
Summary: When I hit 300 followers on Tumblr I decided to open up my ask to prompts of all sorts. Honestly the results are about as funny as I thought they'd be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The result of opening up my askbox to prompts for shorts. For the record my tumblr is @PansexualCassieCain and I'll have the prompts set as links back to the posts

[Prompt: Damian sleeps on a bed of stuffed animals](http://pansexualcassiecain.tumblr.com/post/154237918984/damian-sleeps-on-a-bed-of-stuffed-animals)

\-------------

 

“Hey demon are you–” Stephanie stops mid sentence as she sees him, “Oh my god. Oh my _god_ Damian!”

 

“BROWN!” Damian sits straight up, trying to shove something– or rather, _several_ somethings– behind his back, “I demand you leave my room at once! Get out!”

 

“Oh my god those are stuffed animals,” She completely ignores him, walking into the room with a giant grin on her face, “You sleep with _stuffed animals._ “

 

“I do not!” He protests, continuing to try to hide them as Steph walks closer, “They aren’t mine, they’re Grayson’s. I would _never_ have something so.. so _childish_ and _stupid_ … Now _get out_!”

 

“Right because Dick was the one I walked in on cuddling with them,” she smirks, plopping down beside him on the bed, careful not to sit on any.

 

Damian glares at her, cheeks red, “If you tell _anyone_ about this I swear…”

 

“You’ll stab me?” she guesses, grinning and reaching a hand over to ruffle his hair, laughing a little when he bats it away.

 

“I mean it,” he insists, angry as ever.

 

“Of course you do,” she agrees, “So which is your favourite?"


	2. Chapter 2

[Prompt: cass and steph get married and gain custody of batcow](http://pansexualcassiecain.tumblr.com/post/154238642424/cass-and-steph-get-married-and-gain-custody-of)

\-------------

 

“So now that you and my sister are– _unfortunately_ – getting married… What do you want as a gift.”

 

“What can we have?” Steph asks, grinning a bit and not really phased by the whole ‘unfortunately’ thing.

 

“Anything you want, obviously.”

 

“Anything?” she asks, her voice that special fake innocent that has her fiance instantly looking over at her.

 

“-Tt- are you deaf as well as stupid, Brown?” he asks, crossing his arms and glaring at her, “Yes, anything. Now what do you want.”

 

Stephanie’s ‘innocent’ smile turns devious in an instant, “Batcow.”

 

“Absolutely not,” he snaps, glaring at her

 

“You said anything,” she points out, grinning

 

“I didn’t mean my _cow!”_ he shouts, hands balled up into fists like he’s going to punch her. Knowing Damian it’s a distinct possibility.

 

“Don’t worry Damian,” Stephanie smiles, “We’ll let you visit on the weekends.”

 

“Cain!” Damian turns his fury on his sister, “Make her stop this at once!”

 

“You said anything,” Cass shrugs, “And I like the cow.”

 

“You don’t even _need_ a cow! You have Brown!” He shouts, throwing his arms up in the air.

 

“Well that was rude,” Stephanie crosses her arms, pouting a little, “And I was about to change my mind, too.”

 

_“Brown!”_

 

“Alright, alright,” Stephanie finally gives in, laughing, “We’re kidding. You can keep the cow… But only if _I_ get to pick your suit, agreed?”

 

“Fine.”

 

And that my friends is the story of how Damian Wayne showed up to his sisters wedding in a suit of the most magnificent eggplant purple. But hey, he got to keep the cow.


	3. Chapter 3

[Prompt: Cass Cain learning to drive!](http://pansexualcassiecain.tumblr.com/post/154258506674/cass-cain-learning-to-drive)

\-------------

 

“Wait wait wait.” Jason pauses, squinting at his sister, “You’re telling me B never taught you how to drive?”

 

“Nope,” Cassandra shrugs.

 

She’s not sure why he’s making such a big deal out of it considering she gets around just fine on her own. Besides, during the day when she can’t take the rooftops she has Alfred to drive her.

 

Jason shakes his head, “Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. Come with me Cassie dear, I have to fix this horrible injustice.”

 

He grabs her arm and she raises an eyebrow, letting him pull her along towards the cave, “I have to patrol.”

 

“I’ll shoot Steph a text to cover it for ya,” he grins, “No way I’m just _not_ going to teach you to drive.”

 

“You just want an excuse to steal the Batmobile,” 

 

“I’d like to think of that as a bonus,” Jason’s grin, if possible, gets wider, “Besides, B won’t even be back here for an hour and a half at _least_. He’ll never miss it.”

 

“Fine,” she huffs a bit, walking over to the Batmobile and hopping into the passenger seat

 

Four hours later finds Cassandra driving a _very_ beat up Batmobile back into the cave– apparently driving it at top speed into a wall was enough to ding it up. She parks it perfectly in the spot they took it from as she climbs out, looking at it and biting her lip.

 

“Think he’ll notice?”

 

“Naaaah,” Jason assures her as he climbs out, “It’s just… A bit dinged. I’m sure he’ll never even realize it.”

 

“He’s a detective,” she points out, looking between Jay and the car

 

“Good point,” he frowns, before a devious smile breaks out across his face, “We’ll blame it on Tim.”


	4. Chapter 4

[Prompt: Tim has one of those adult colouring books to calm his nerves and one day Damian and/Jason find him](http://pansexualcassiecain.tumblr.com/post/154264984729/tim-has-one-of-those-adult-colouring-books-to-calm)

\-------------

 

Jason presses a finger to Damian’s lips as they approach Tim’s room.

 

“Shh,” he whispers, “He might be sleeping.”

 

“This is ridiculous just go in and che–”

 

_“Shh!!!”_

 

Jason pokes his head in the doorway, noticing Tim’s just… laying with his face on his desk. He grins as he slips in, motioning for Damian to stay quiet as he creeps over. Tim’s asleep with a bunch of crayons scattered across the desk– he must have bumped the package of them over when he fell asleep– and his cheek pressed against the open page of a colouring book.Jason tries not to laugh as he carefully lifts Tim up into his arms, carrying him over to the bed and tucking him in. 

 

Damian, on the other hand, is flipping through the colouring book and muttering under his breath. You’d think, by the way he’s acting, that the book had done something to personally offend him.

 

“Something wrong baby bat?” He asks, keeping his voice quiet.

 

“ _-Tt-_ no. I always knew Drake had the IQ of a toddler,” he closes the colouring book, “All this does is confirm my suspicions.”

 

“You did not just insult colouring,” Jason narrows his eyes, walking over, “I know that is not what you just did.”

 

“What’s the point of colouring if somebody else already drew the picture for you?” Damian challenges, crossing his arms in annoyance.

 

“Uh, fun. Something you have _clearly_ never experienced.”

 

Damian let’s out another _-tt-_ and Jason grabs the colouring book and crayons, carrying them over to the middle of Tim’s floor and plopping down. He flips through the pages until he finds a picture of Wonder Woman– the book is Justice League themed– before grabbing out a blue crayon. 

 

“What are you doing, Todd?” Damian demands, glancing between Jason and the sleeping Tim. He looks more than a little uncomfortable, unsure of what exactly he should be doing.

 

“Colouring. Now sit down and join me, you can have the Batman on the other page.”

 

“This is stupid,” Damian mutters, plopping down anyways and grabbing a black crayon.

 

“And yet you’re still helping,” he smirks, trading in the blue for a red as he hums to himself.

 

_“-Tt-”_

 

It’s almost dark out when Tim finally comes storming down into the kitchen, brandishing his colouring book and glaring between his siblings.

 

“Who did it,” he demands, eyes flitting between them.

 

“Did what Timbo?” Jason asks, looking up innocently

 

“Coloured the rest of my book without _asking_ me first!” he snaps, flipping through the pages

 

“No idea,” Jason answers cheerfully, looking over at Dick, “What about you Dickie Bird? You see anyone sneak into Tim’s room to colour?”

 

“No,” Dick frowns, “I just got here like ten minutes ago, I was hanging out with Wally.”

 

Tim continues glaring at all of them for a few more minutes before glancing over at Cassandra with a vaguely pleading look. After all, it’s common knowledge that none of them can ever hide anything from her. She glances pointedly over to Jason and Damian before going back to watching TV. Tim’s eyes narrow as he walks towards where Jason and Damian are sitting, waiting for Cassandra’s look to take effect.

 

“It was all Todd’s idea.” Damian bursts out, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

Jason groans, glaring at him, “Really? _Really_ Damian?”

 

“You and Damian coloured _without me?!”_ Dick demands, suddenly looking like one of them slapped him.

 

“Not the _point_ Dick,” Jason mutters, wincing a bit as Tim approaches

 

“What the hell Jay!” Tim shouts as Cassandra subtly slips out of the room.

 

“Hey I was simply trying to educate the little brat.” Jason shrugs

 

“On _what_ Jason?!” Tim snaps

 

“On how awesome colouring books are, Timbo,”

 

“I can’t believe you guys were colouring without me.” Dick mumbles again

 

“Shut _up_ Dick!” They both shout, and Dick slinks out of the room pouting. 

 

“Of all the colouring books that are bound to be here… Why _mine_?!”

 

“I wanted to colour Wonder Woman, obviously. And it’s not just _me_ who did it, either.” 

 

“But it was _your_ idea!” Damian argues, glaring down at the floor

 

“I don’t care _who’s_ dumb idea it was!” Tim throws the book at them, “I expect a new one in two hours,”

 

“I don’t even know where you _got_ it!” Jason protests

 

“One hour and fifty-nine minutes, Jay.” Tim glares, “Figure it out.”


End file.
